“Calmly Planned out Suicide”


“A Police Officer’s life is full of death and what most people would call unusual situations. To remain a Police Officer a person has to learn to deal with the stress and emotional ups and downs.” 

“Calmly Planned out Suicide”


Ralph L. Dettwiler

(Former) Sergeant

Beaufort County Sheriff’s Department

Beaufort, South Carolina

“I worked numerous suicides but one stands out in my mind. I responded and found a woman, from a well-to-do family, in the upstairs bathroom off the master bedroom. As I walked into the small bathroom, I saw a .22 caliber rifle on the floor. The barrel was pointed toward the bathtub which was on my left.

In the tub I found the woman lying on her back, her right arm was dangling out of the tub. She had a small bullet wound to her right temple with powder burns around it. There was a much larger exit wound on the left side of her head. There was blood and flesh all over the wall, tub and her.

The woman was in her late forties or early fifties. I was able to accept her suicide. My years on the streets had hardened me to life and death both. I had become cold to events such as this. If I hadn’t grown cold and pushed my emotions deep inside me I would not have been able to continue my work. The suicides that seemed to bother me were those by teenagers, whom I felt had their whole lives ahead of them. How could anything be bad enough for them to take their own lives?

As I said, in this case I accepted the fact that she had killed herself and calmly went about my business of fitting the case together. We always looked for a suicide note but in the cases I had worked, we very seldom found one. Somehow it made the suicides easier to deal with for me. I formed a picture of a person who had reached the end of his rope and proceeded to end his suffering. However this woman threw me a curve which made it hard for me to fit her suicide into a sterile neat package.

I found her note in the bedroom, just feet from where she now lay dead. In a legal sense it was a suicide note but yet it was much more than that. It was an open letter to her family.

She opened it by saying that she loved all of them and that they should not blame themselves or each other for her death. She said she hoped that they would all get together because of this, she felt that it was important that they all meet as a family. She went on to say that she was sorry that the house was such a mess but she had not gotten around to cleaning it. She stated that she did not want to make things any worse so she would try to keep the mess in the bathtub where it could be cleaned up easier. She wrote that she was sorry she was not stronger and hoped they would understand and forgive her. She said goodbye and told them she loved them and please take care of each other.

That note bothered me. How could someone sit and calmly plan their own death like that? Before I read the note she was just another suicide victim, but after I had read it she became a real person.

In the end the whole incident became another shovel full of dirt thrown on the grave of my emotions. I became colder and harder.

The suicide rate in the Police profession is alarmingly high. One reason I have heard given for this is the stress from the job. I believe that, but I also believe part of it is that day in and day out you live with the realities of life and death until the separation of the two becomes almost nonexistent. Death becomes a sort of relief from the dirt and filth of this life. In order to keep your sanity while working on the streets you beat your emotions down until, whether you noticed it or not, you no longer care about things as you once did. If this could be done in a selective way it would be fine but it can’t, it affects you as a whole. You see the world and life and death through new eyes.

Please pray everyday for our Police Officers. They have a very tough job. We cannot expect them to wallow in the filth of society day in and day out without our full support and our prayers. Who among us is willing to give our lives for people we don’t know or for people who don’t care about us? That is what they are willing to do everyday they put on their uniform and leave home.
A person cannot see pain and death all the time without being touched by it in some way.”


©Samina Iqbal. 2017


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Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving my Canadian bloggers, friends and countrymen. In today’s chaotic and uncertain world we need to be thankful for every moment that brings peace and harmony to our lives. We need to be thankful for the safe and protected environment that we live in, and many thanks to our Police Officers for making this possible. Lets thank them from the bottom of our hearts since gratitude is a beautiful sentiment.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” (Melody Beattie)

happy canadian thanksgivingDLfCWzEUQAAqK2i635832155968266983799192786_590x395_thanksgiving_cat-thumb-590x395-88228UnknownThanksgiving-Quotes-1


©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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‘A spike in your stats’ BOOM!

My fabulous bloggers and friends I thank you for all my successes in the blogosphere. I got this message from wordpress team last week and I thank them for encouraging me and from time to time to keep my spirits soaring high. Thanks a million everyone. I highly appreciate it. Love you all. Blessings. Samina

Your blog, Samina’s Forum for police support, appears to be getting more traffic than usual! 28 hourly views – 1 hourly views on average
A spike in your stats.
©Samina Iqbal. 2017
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Night Duty Cops’ Video Goes Viral With Lip Sync Of Backstreet Boys ‘I Want It That Way’ — CBS Detroit

The following video shows “the gentler side of law enforcement”. I hope my blogger friends will enjoy watching it. Samina.

DETROIT (WWJ) – The Port Huron Police Department in the limelight after three of their officers posted a video of them lip syncing to the popular Backstreet Boys song “I want it that way.” It started when Tri-Hospital EMS, who made a video, challenged the Port Huron Police Department to do the same. And when…

via Night Duty Cops’ Video Goes Viral With Lip Sync Of Backstreet Boys ‘I Want It That Way’ — CBS Detroit

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A Police Officer: Armed to save a life.

“Her smile was like armor & everyday she went to war…” (r. h. sin)


“You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose, romanticism or politics.” (Charles Bukowski)

©Samina Iqbal. 2017


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“Take no chances that you don’t have to”.


Kitty the cat,” Officers, I swear I did not steal milk, let me go?”

Police Officers to Kitty the cat,”To prove you’re telling the truth you have to take the breathalyzer test (for milk). We take no chances that we don’t have to, and we trust no one that we really don’t have to. So surrender peacefully.”

These are crazy times and the crazy world we live in. Trust and faith seem to have disappeared from our daily lives as we experience what is happening around us. Police officers are forefront in their battle to protect us. Lets pray for them and wish them safe and secure lives to be protectors of their families and us.

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Happy Independence Day USA






©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Happy 150 Birthday Canada



©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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“I have to ticket you, please forgive me my love”


The day is glowing with incandescent sunniness,

Divine is the air and nature hums

melodies of bliss,

It is so nice to see you in all your loveliness

with a heavenly smile to light

up the world with your prettiness.



Going fast, even in a fast lane?

Flying on the wings of desire my love!

This leaves me wondering as if,

You want to make yourself free from self

in one stroke! to vanish into oblivion

and emptiness.



Flee from speeding, away from trouble;

take the path of safety, far from this danger.

Take this advice from me

as a sign of compassion, 

of care, of concern, of love

for sake of your secureness.


Life is rushing onward from moment to moment. 

It’s onward rush is so visible,

but the next turn is unseen:

may that which is hidden

not fail you! Life Surprises us

with its un-predictableness.


If you be observant and vigilant,

You will see at every moment

the response to your action.

Be perceptive my love

for something is fashioned

in outcome of every action of our fickleness.


I have to ticket you my love,

to protect your humanness

from fading into nothingness.

May Luck be with you,

I am a Police Officer

to us is the sacrifice!…

Too many innocent lives are lost everyday due to speeding. Police officers as first responders witness the gruesome reality in its most raw form. Lets save ourselves and our protectors from trauma and observe speed limits.

© Samina Iqbal. 2017

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“She made her decision, and it was the wrong one,” Constable Steve Addison of Vancouver Police Department.

My dear bloggers and friends Today I am presenting the story taken from “Eastside Stories: Diary of a Vancouver Beat Cop” by Constable Steve Addison of VPD (Vancouver police department).

The story is set on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside and according to constable Steve Addison of VPD, “There is perhaps no other place in the country that is as infamous, as political and as misunderstood as this. I thought I knew all there was to know about the Downtown Eastside. It must be one of the most written about, talked about, studied and debated neighbourhoods in the country, if not North America. After being posted here in 2007, I quickly realized how little I really knew.

The poverty, the misery and the dangers that exist on these streets are often something you simply have to see to believe.”

Now the story.


She made her decision, and it was the wrong one

Five days past her 18th birthday, she was hooting on a crack pipe near the corner of Hastings and Columbia. She tossed the glass pipe to the pavement as we approached and tried to blend in with the crowd.

“Please don’t arrest me,” the pretty redhead pleaded as I grabbed her arm to prevent her from running away.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I just want to talk to you.”

My god, she looked young. Dressed in jean shorts and a button-up shirt that was tied in a knot just above the belly button, she looked like she should have been riding a tire swing at the family cottage, not getting high on Hastings Street. Though her hair was unwashed and her face was breaking out in sores, I could tell she was still early in her suffering. The addiction hadn’t fully taken control of her.

I wanted to help her.

We talked as I ran the girl’s name through the police database. Her story reminded me that addiction does not discriminate between race, gender or class.

The product of a tony West Vancouver neighbourhood, she began experimenting with hallucinogens — magic mushrooms and LSD — at age 15. She managed to get clean for eight months, but soon was looking for new ways to get high. Which brought her to Ground Zero in the Downtown Eastside — still frighteningly oblivious to the dangers surrounding her.

She’d been staying with her new boyfriend — a 38-year-old she met five days ago — in a room at the worst slum hotel in the city. It’s infested with cockroaches and rats, and the rooms reek of urine and dirty cat litter. (When we stopped by later that night to suss out the boyfriend, we found his room littered with empty beer cans and condom wrappers.)

A pretty, new face like her’s is easy prey on these streets. And with a habit to feed I figured it was just a matter of time before she’d be selling her body to buy drugs — either for herself or for the boyfriend whose last name she still did not know.

The young redhead assured me that wouldn’t be the case.

“Don’t worry. I’m against prostitution.”

She said it with such righteousness and confidence that I knew this girl just didn’t have a clue. I told her about the young lady I spoke to a few months ago who stands on the street corner and gets into strangers’ cars — sometimes 10 a night — just to support her heroin habit. I told her how that girl knows that every car she gets into could be the last.

Her lip started to quiver and her eyes welled up with tears. I asked if she really thought that any of the girls who sell themselves for drug money are actually in favour of prostitution. A tear rolled down her cheek, and we both knew she was only fooling herself.

It’s not often that we see any kind of vulnerability or emotion from the men and women in the Downtown Eastside. Life can be so hard down here, I think most learn to shut off the emotions, or simply bury them so deep that they can’t be seen. You have to be tough to survive in the Downtown Eastside, and vulnerability makes for easy victims.

But the tears in this girl’s eyes told me she wasn’t that far gone, that there was still a chance to save her.

I offered to help her. I promised her a ride to anywhere she wanted to go — so long as it was away from skid row. I knew this was likely a now-or-never moment. She thought about it for about a second, then asked if she could go see her boyfriend instead.

I wanted to tell her that she couldn’t, that she had to come with me. But the reality was I could not force her to make the smart choice. The crack pipe she had tossed on the ground had already been trampled on and crushed, and I really had no authority to hang onto her.

I told her she was an adult now, and that the decision was her’s to make. She could choose to stay, and risk being sucked into a lifetime in sex, drugs and disease. She could choose to go, and maybe have an outside chance of getting her life together.

“You’re an adult now,” I said, cringing as the words left my mouth. “It’s your choice.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes, then darted across the street and back toward the slum hotel to see the boyfriend who was old enough to be her father.

As she disappeared into the sea of disorder somewhere east of Columbia Street, I knew it was just a matter of time before I’d see her again. By that time, it would likely be too late.

She had made her decision, and it was the wrong one.


Posted in Front Line Views, Real Life Stories |

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Happy Easter

 Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” — 1 John 3:18

“No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.” — Proverb

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Born with wings to fly-Police Officers

It is so true that in the times that we are living now the job of a police officer is very challenging. In spite of the difficulties and a world of darkness around them the police officers continue to protect and serve us in the best possible way. When they are confronted with big challenges they find out their real worthiness, and their aspirations. They dream big, desire the best and their souls believe in their dreams and aspirations. A peaceful society, well protected and taken care of is the true reflection of their dreams and desires. These are our guardian angels and they have wings to fly high and to protect us at the same time. God bless them and keep every police officer safe for us and their loved ones. Samina


NYPD-Female Police Officer


©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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“Samina’s Forum for police support is getting lots of traffic.”

Dear Bloggers and friends I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks for the friendship and love that I receive from you all. This message of spike in my stats makes me ecstatic. Thank you and thank you so much for being so fabulous. It means a lot to me. Take care and God bless. Samina


Your stats are booming! Samina’s Forum for police support is getting lots of traffic.

Your blog, Samina’s Forum for police support, appears to be getting more traffic than usual! 31 hourly views – 1 hourly views on average
A spike in your stats

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Happy Valentine’s Day

Dear bloggers and friends, with valentine’s day just around the corner I thought I would wish everyone A HAPPY VALENTINE”S DAY. Enjoy  and cherish these special moments with your loved ones. Samina



Red is the color of love. I love color red.





Our Heartfelt Blessings and Best wishes to our Guardians and Protectors on Valentine’s day.



A Bouquet for my bloggers and friends on Valentine’s day.

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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Fourth Anniversary of Blogging!

Dear bloggers and friends today I got this message of congratulations from wordpress for fourth anniversary of blogging. I really like the expression “flying with us” in the message of wordpress. I am wondering how time has flown past and four years gone by so quick. It has been a very satisfying and enlightening experience for me to blog to support the Police. Sometimes I have not been regular in posting my posts due to taking care of a loved one. The support and love that I have received from you all has been phenomenal. I look forward to the same support and love in the coming years as I continue to support those who serve and protect us. Take care and God bless. Samina


Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 4 years ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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The Start of Every shift

jl-repatriation-0049-1024x734The Start of Every shift

My knight in his blue armor
steps out into the dark.
In search of all wrong doing,
with a hope to make it right.
He carries not a sword,
But a “semi” on his side.
With hopes his training will not fail him,
Should there come a place or time.
And as he settles into his modern day Stallion;
The one with piercing blue eyes
The thought runs through his mind.
“What will I come upon tonight?”
“A speeder, a con, a felon a man who beat his wife?
A pusher, a punk, some other with a knife?”
“Will I have to defend my life,
Or will a fellow man in blue
Be assigned to console my grieving wife?”
And so, with this thought still lingering
through the channels of his mind…
He prays to a God he thinks is there
But still, he is unsure of.
Just then, before he could think twice
The duty he is here for calls
And without hesitation, he radios back “419, I am enroute”
Opens his “eyes” And takes off once again…
Into the dark of night.

(Author Unknown)

©Samina Iqbal. 2017

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A retiring seasoned criminal’s blessing to his grandson

A retiring seasoned criminal’s blessing to his beloved grandson-aspiring to be a seasoned criminal like his father and grandfather,

“My dear grandson as you sit on the watermelon and I break this wild turkey egg on your head and the yolk flows on your cheeks like wisdom at the initiation ceremony for seasoned criminals, I wish your loot far exceed combined loot of mine and your father’s and even exceed your counting ability. May you slither like a king cobra before strike and may you stalk quietly and attack like a Siberian tiger and still be called a gentleman. May you always get chased by a police dog with the touch of arthritis.”


A Police Dog                             

©Samina Iqbal. 2016.

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“Effective policing underpins the very quality of life in Canada,” says Honorable RCMP commissioner Bob Paulson.


Honorable RCMP Commissioner highlights the important role our Police Officers play in the upkeep of Canadian values and says,

“I am also reminded of just how much we rely on our police services and the men and women who comprise them, to preserve and safeguard our Canadian way of life.

Without public safety and the maintenance of public order there can be no respect for human rights, equality of opportunity or protection of the weak and vulnerable.

Effective policing underpins the very quality of life in Canada. It allows us the basic security we all need to go about our lives; achieve our goals; express our views; resolve our disputes peacefully; and raise our children in safe communities.”

©Samina Iqbal. 2016

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“I Take No Guff From Nobody specially bullies like you”


Small dog Pappy to big dog Wolfy, “Don’t you ever call me a bite size. When it comes to principles, I stand my ground. Size of the opponent has no meaning. A bully is a bully and I know how to take care of them. Now Beat it, get out of my sight before I lose my cool.”

©Samina Iqbal. 2016

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“A police officer is all there is in society to keep any concept of order.”


Dear blogger friends I am blessed to hear direct stories from real people in real life situations. I am so proud of the fact that great human beings come to my blog and share their inspiring life stories with me. I am posting one such real life story of a New York Police Officer  who has been kind enough to share his story with us. I thank him from the bottom of my heart and pray that I keep receiving such inspirational real life stories in future as well. We all need to understand and comprehend what the job of a Police Officer is all about. It is no ordinary job and Police Officers are no ordinary people. We live a secure life and enjoy our freedoms because of some great human beings who serve and protect us. There is no higher calling than that of a Police Officer’s job. Lets hear the heart warming true feelings of a Police Officer, first hand. This is what he wrote to me,

“Thank you very much for this page. I was a New York City Cop and Sergeant, retired after 20 years.The emotional toll, the stress on the family, the stress you put away, never pay attention to. How your adrenaline and heart start beating when the radio crackles of a man with a gun. You respond as always, running to the danger, never thinking about how it is against every human emotion to head that way, to the trouble, but it’s what you do, who you are. I can honestly say, in the last year’s of my career, I was going to back up every other cop that was going, and they were backing me. It has taken a tremendous toll on my body, but especially my mind, there are things I can never unseen. 20 years later, they still come to mind, the place, the smell, who was next to me. A police officer is all there is in society to keep any concept of order. We go to every job you can possibly imagine. Before the ambulance, before social services, we go to child abuse calls, and have to make a decision that will save a child, or destroy a family, mess up, if something happens to the child, you have to answer to the man. And you eternally answer to yourself. Have the child removed, and thrown into a maze of courts, foster care, another broken system with regular people just trying to make the best decisions they can. Finding the elderly  abandoned by children or any family, only noticed when the smell coming out of there apartment creeps into the hall and is too much for the neighbors to stand, so they call 911 and we come. We always come. It is a sworn duty I took years ago, when really only a boy, not yet a man. I raised my right hand and swore to my God I would do this. I felt blessed to be a part of this, the front lines of the streets. To stand with men I could never, in my wildest dreams, be as brave or as tough, or as the street counselors these men were. Could take care of any and all possible situations without handcuffs, a degree, or use of a night stick. Handle family disputes where everyone thinks they won, and No one got locked up. Convince a half drunk lunatic that it’s his best interest to go to his brother’s house tonight. Let things at home go until tomorrow, when clearer heads would prevail. And he never called a Sergeant to the scene. It is his job. He handles it where it goes. Smooth, or a full out brawl with the neighborhood. He knows as does everyone else involved, that if he calls for help, there will be cops coming from every direction to his aid. And they would. Not be in a talking mood when they show up. So anyone with any sense got lost. And the fools who wanted to fight the cop or 2 had a world of hurt coming upon them. It was not a job for the meek. They would quickly find positions inside to avoid the street. They had weekends off, and most holidays. The guys on patrol carried the burden, they still do.They always have. I met some of the kindest people I would ever have the wonderful opportunity to know. I saw a cop give a runaway his last 5 bucks to get a sandwich at the bus station waiting for the bus home. He didn’t have money for lunch the next day. Just wasn’t in the budget.We went to work, getting in the next day, he said he wasn’t hungry. I accused him of giving today’s meal money to the runaway the night before. He didn’t say anything, just looked at me, as to say “shut up, it’s none of your business.” I said ,”You did, you gave that girl,who is probably already run away again your meal money.” He just stared at me. I said, “you know, you’re an asshole, so let me buy you dinner tonight.” He began to refuse so I said” hey, kev, I’m buying you dinner tonight, what do you want?.I don’t give a shit if you eat it,but I’m going to buy you dinner. He said,”ok, how about Chinese?” great…It was a crazy job. Nothing else like it in the world. It was points of laughter with the crew, then shear insanity, the next thing you would never believe. Having kitchen appliances thrown off roof tops to crush your skull. Punks spit on the floor as they cross the street in front of your police car, all the while looking right at you. Some of those guys were taught a lesson. Had to keep them from stepping over that line. I think I had to have a talk with a few of them so they could see the folly of their ways. No, it wasn’t pretty, not nice. But it was clear and understood  No video in everyone hand then. Just two men setting some preunderstood bounderies that we had both respected. Next time, it didn’t happen,to any cop. Not so politically correct nowadays. The world was different. If I had to do it all over, with the heart ache of a friend dying in the street responding to a robbery to help someone he didn’t know leaving a widow, a 1 and 2 year old children without a father. The hate and vile that people I had sworn to protect would spew at you every chance. Working weekends, holidays, birthdays. It became such a routine that even now, retired for many years, holidays have no meaning, weekend, birthdays, just the same as every other day. My wife asking me to just pretend it’s important, for me. As a damaged ex cop, haunted, suspicious, over-protective. Maybe just a little bit crazy, just a little bit. I would do it again in a heart beat. It, to me, is truly the greatest job in the world. There is nothing else I could have done. I have stood with awesome men and women who showed me the way, how to stay alive, bravery that I could only wish I had. They had done it all. Being part of that, a member of these increadable people, was a gift from God. I still thank Him for the job. There is, I believe, no higher calling. I believe every real street cop has ended up in uniform by divine Intervention. Thank you for letting me be a part of the chosen few, thank you for blessing me with the position of police officer. There is no higher calling.”



©Samina Iqbal. 2016


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